As we prep for the start of the New Year, I feel like this topic is not-so-subtly seeping into our thoughts.
We want to be better, do more, live fuller, more exciting lives, and look hot doing it. That’s a fair, valid feeling to have. It’s okay to desire change and growth–I would even venture to say it’s decidedly healthy.
Complacency in and of itself is not a negative state of being, but settling for less than what you know you’re capable of can come with unrest and regret. Even so, the motivation to change should never be rooted in self-hatred and shame. Being able to stand in front of a mirror at any point in time and experience love and respect for the person looking back is an experience everyone deserves; I understand that’s much easier said than done. Self-loathing is deeply ingrained into our culture, and it’s funding multi-billion dollar diet and cosmetic industries. However, the implication that corporations sow and reap the fruits of our insecurities is a discussion for another day. My point is that these struggles are manufactured by the powers-at-be, it’s not your fault, and being aware of this simple truth is the first step toward preventing yourself from being swept up in the overload of information that screams, “You aren’t good enough as you are.”
Hating yourself is not the answer. It never is. If you desire to change, let it be out of love for the person you are currently, and proceed by making safe and informed decisions. Be selfish and make yourself the center of every choice. Act reverently toward your mind and body, give grace, enact patience, and above all, show yourself kindness.
Change is healthy when you approach it correctly and with the right intentions.
I’m not here to give step-by-step instructions on how to turn your life around. Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out myself. I want to be healthier, have more energy, improve brain function, and achieve more creative goals, but I’m still trying to find out what really works for me and how to fit it all into my already busy life. I won’t ever minimize the difficulty of establishing a lifestyle that accommodates a perfectly balanced existence because if it was easy, everyone would be living exactly as they pleased without a care in the world.
This is what I mean when I say to give yourself grace: understand that there are countless obstacles in your way, and falling down in your pursuit of self-improvement doesn’t make you a failure. Push through the adversity as well as you can, and take the time that you need. You aren’t on anyone’s clock but your own, and if people are engaging with you during this transition, their purpose is to encourage you, not to threaten, force, shame, coerce or manipulate you.
On the topic of others’ participation in your endeavors to change, don’t let people sway the decision if it’s what is best for your fulfillment and self-perception. There are positive and negative sides to every movement, and body positivity is no exception. Gaslighting runs rampant when bodies come into the conversation, so stay centered on not only your goals but on your motivations and intentions as well. Focus on what you hope to accomplish, and root yourself in what moves you to act.
Again, no one can tell you how to love yourself best, and no one knows your mind better than you do. No one else is entitled to the skin you live in. If your goal is to gain, lose, or maintain weight because it will make you happy, then take the necessary steps to achieve it, and don’t give credence to the voices of those who villainize you for it, because, in case you haven’t noticed, there’s no winning. Someone will always have a problem with anything you do. It doesn’t matter which path you take, or which decision you make–someone will always think you’ve chosen wrongly, and some might even deign to challenge you outright.
I’ll say this one more time in fewer words: it is none of their business.
Appreciate the body and mind that you have, and give yourself the love you deserve. If improvement in one field or another is something you desire for your own sake, do your best to take the necessary steps to achieve reasonable goals. Remember that our society is set up to ensure that you aren’t satisfied with the way you are now because self-love doesn’t fund diet culture or the companies pumping out beauty trends, so be mindful of the intent behind the media you consume, and understand that it was made for the purpose of feeding off of you, and that doesn’t make the information true or applicable. Beyond that, stand firm. Take charge of the way that you live, and don’t let the malicious interests of others sway you off your path to being the best version of yourself.
Love,
Becca